I hate that feature of our culture. I really do. I dont like that SOME people only show up at a mourning event because they want to sample the chop suey. I dont like that the bereaved must pour themselves ( and their loans from NPF) into buying, cooking and serving food.
When I die, there will be no food. I have already instructed HRH to "give people a chilled bottle of water", a kind smile and a "thank you very much for coming". I've even told him to put that on the death notice announcement, "Please note that there will be no refreshments served at my beloved wife's funeral. So if you anticipate getting hungry, BYO." See? that way only people who really are sad about my untimely passing will show up. And the event will be much less costly.
But HRH doesnt like my request. Why? Because he said, "People will think I'm le mafaufau and ai'u. Greedy. Ignorant. A cheapskate who doesnt love his wife enough to feed people at her funeral properly!"
We have yet to reach an agreement on this issue. The stubborn man refuses to budge from "Whatever. I dont care what you say. When you're dead, you wont be around to tell us what to do. And I will do your funeral however i want to. So there."
So Im informing all the blogging world. Getting it out in the open. You are my witnesses. THERE WILL BE NO FOOD AT LANI"S FUNERAL. And if there is ( thanks to HRH's undying love for me and his concerns for what people will think of him) - then I want all my friends to commit now that they wont eat any of it.
Am I the only one who thinks of random stuff like this? Stuff like whether or not there should be refreshments at my graveside? Am I the only one who doesnt like the funeral feast mentality that usually accompanies Polynesian death rites? Speak up now...or forever hold your peace!
The only thing anyone should be getting at my farewell. Thank you for coming!
I'm all for scaling back faalavelave when it costs families more than they can pay. Funerals aren't the only events though when families are 'obliged' to fork out food and money beyond their means -- cue expensive 21sts, weddings, graduations, etc. And we know that the food isn't just about the 'feasting' at these things -- food symbolises/implies recognition of relationships, connections, alofa, hospitality, goodwill, blah blah blah. You mentioned in one of your earlier blogs about how Mum looked out for you with food when you were at uni. Is that all that different? For similar reasons, perhaps, just not on such a nuclear scale.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we could keep the food but(rather than pare it back to army rations that would look cheap even at a palagi funeral) maybe there is a happy middle-ground to be found? Sandwiches and juice with some little snacks? Something to help people feel a bit better when they're burying you -- a person they'd love enough to go your funeral despite there being no chop suey!
Alan x
Hi Alan - great to see you on here! I like that - a happy middle ground. I hate the excesses of our culture, whether it be the 600 guest weddings (followed by a newlywed couple living in poverty forever) or funerals that everyone has to ransom their child for to make up their contribution. I would love to see us all more accepting of and more willing to aim for that middle ground. Simplicity. So that the events become more about alofa, and family and gathering loved ones together. Less stress?
ReplyDeleteLots of alofa cousin.
agreeed...i will be a witness, and will bring my sandwich along, but FYI, i only have one request for my funeral, Lani's baking. Everyone will be handed GF muffins on arrival, then you will also prepare some entrees after the service. no pressure. lol.
ReplyDeleteGoddess if Im still alive and kicking then i will gladly bake up a storm for your fabulous sendoff. Can i please submit my request now though - for ONE stunning tuiga fashioned by goddess hands? (would look so cool as i float away into the sunset on my viking type boat all on fire...) But can i get it BEFORE any funerals? Like...maybe an early Xmas present? May as well wear it and enjoy it now while i still can. No pressure. LOL
ReplyDeleteLani, you've made me giggle. I can see why you wouldn't want food served if people only turn yo for the chop suey!
ReplyDeleteyep, whose to say we can't all be taupous with tuigas in our own little world!
ReplyDeleteaue, are we just macabre or what? talking about being dead like its nothing. reminds me of tuiatua when he said samoans used to be like that - very casual about death, as it was a sure and normal occurance, ...as such as the cry of the iao in the early morning...hmmm, sorry - am drifting off, night night.
Talli - Exactly! its just sad. sniff sniff.
ReplyDeleteInteresting reference Goddess. I think i prefer the old Samoan approach to death then. A sure and normal ocurrence. And yeah, Im defn a taupou with a tuiga in my own little world, lol.
ReplyDeleteIt just doesn't seem right Lani! There would have to be at the VERY LEAST some chocolate brownie, chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon buns ... I just would feel I hadn't celebrated your life if I hadn't stuffed myself with your home-made goodies! Of course, you'll have to start baking now and buy a chest freezer to store them in ... and NOT eat them yourself before the big day ... ok?!
ReplyDeleteAnna
You're not the only one. There will not be any Styrofoam takeaway containers from my funeral... but then I'm not expecting too many people to turn up either, hehe. My father has already left orders for how he wants his funeral: "Throw me in the hole and then get drunk." (typical Scot) My mother, on the other hand, wants the big fa'asamoa thing for her funeral but we've already told her that we're throwing a party instead.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
"throw me in the hole and then get drunk" I like that! LOL My little sister has hers all planned out and written up - she wants homemade chocolate chip cookies served at hers...I always like the Vikings send off myself. Put me on a boat and set me on fire with burning arrows.
ReplyDeleteAnna - good point! But i know if i started baking now...they wouldnt last very long...